do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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