You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
