yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
