So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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