just come out here and I will go home with you...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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