There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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