dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
