He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
