please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
