I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
