They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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