think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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