I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
