my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
