I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
