On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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