Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
