waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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