I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
