Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
