I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
