well you can't waste a boner
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
