i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
