mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
