I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
