i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My liver just had a heart attack.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize