I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
