I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I touched a dick in church today
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