i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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