dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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