oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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