Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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