my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
