you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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