You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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