Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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