Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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