Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
