Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
