someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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