Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
