Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
