I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
