so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
