she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
