I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
