remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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