i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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