dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
