I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
