So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
