While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
