worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
