So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you win again, gameday.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
