Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
