He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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