She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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