He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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