tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
