Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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